More thoughts on being the non-bio mom

I've written about this before, but I thought it might be time for an update on things in our parenting world.  Specifically, I've lately been mulling over my role as the non-bio mom to the majority of our children.  I never expected to be in this position, as both Sacha and I always assumed that I would be the one to carry our third child, if we had one.  However, when it became clear that the only way Sacha would feel okay about having number three was if she was the one to be pregnant, I was more than happy to step out of the way!  I've always felt very clear that having the kid is far, far more important than carrying the kid.  (As an aside, we did give adoption fairly serious consideration for #3, but ultimately decided against it for a number of reasons, including cost and the kids' amazing existing relationship with Apa.)

So, I find myself as primarily the non-bio mom in our family, despite having started out as the bio-mom.  When I was thinking about writing about this, I thought, well, that would be a short post.  All I have to say is that it's going fine!  And, it is.  I really appreciate that Sacha and I are on the same page about most things about parenting, and we have both gone out of our way to make equally parenting all the kids a priority. 

I would even say that we have consciously de-emphasized biological connections with the kids, opting instead to point out ways that each child is like either parent just based on personality and such.  For example, I was thinking today about how much Mateo and Sacha are alike.  We were sitting at dinner and they were both chugging ice water and commenting on how refreshing it was, while I sat huddled in my layers and wished I could turn up the heat just a few more degrees!

Back to my role:  at this point, it's not such a big deal.  As the one who spends most of her time with all the kids, I don't worry much about them bonding with or attaching to me.  We're all basically joined at the hip.  What I worry about, and only a little most of the time, is about what happens when they're teenagers and looking for a way to rebel.  I'm not looking forward to the inevitable "but you're not my real mom" comments.  However, I suppose that all parents get some hateful comments during the teenage years, regardless of biology! 

The other thing I have been struck by is how our kids interpret their parents and how it comes out in their play.  They are always playing a game of Mama and Mommy, and Mateo is always Mama and Tali is always Mommy.  I can't say exactly why this happens, except that (#1) they obviously know whose belly they grew in and (#2) maybe all that breastfeeding caused them to identify more with the one who breastfed them. 

(As an aside, it's also interesting to see how the larger world has already influenced them in terms of how they think about families.  We were at the park today and we met a little girl and her mom.  As soon as they walked away from us, Mateo immediately wondered aloud about where the little girl's daddy was.  There was no consideration of whether or not she had a daddy.  It was just a given.)

Anyway, those are my thoughts, such as they are, at this point.  I suppose all I really needed to say was "it's going fine, although I do worry a bit about the far-distant future!"  As we all know by now, however, I am far too longwinded to ever just leave it at that :)