Relief

Well, my plan of blogging every day this month isn't working out too well, but at least I have posted more this month than in quite awhile :)  Of all the things I have learned since we had Rosie, finding my own limits has been one of the biggest.  When we had one and two kids and then when we had three but the third wasn't walking yet, I always had something left at the end of the day and blogging seemed to fit in well.  Now that all three of them are at full speed, I just don't have it at the end of most days.  I'm working on making writing a priority, because I love looking back at the years of blog books that we have and remembering all the things we have done.  However, I'm also working on letting myself off the hook.  I am pretty much at capacity right now and I am doing the best I can.

Ahem.  Back to what I was going to say:

Oh my goodness, I am SO RELIEVED.  I hadn't realized how much I was worrying about the election until it was over.  I had fully prepared myself for weeks of legal wrangling over what seemed like a very close presidential race, so I was beside myself when they called it for Obama so relatively early on.  And, that he went on to win convincingly.  Whew.  Seriously, so relieved.

And, we are over the moon happy about the great marriage wins in Maine, Maryland, and Washington, and about the defeat of the amendment in Minnesota.  As much as I was hoping that at least Washington would have a good outcome, it was still just amazing to see the results come in, and then jaw-dropping to see them all win.  Love won.  As much as it doesn't feel great to have people voting on what they think of our family and families and couples like ours, what does feel great is when the tide goes our way!  I think we both feel affirmed and much more hopeful about the future.  And, I have to say, it was pretty great to say to our kids on the day after the election that Mommy and Mama will be able to get married now.  Well, married again.  Legally this time!

We are thinking that we are, in fact, going to drive across the river and get hitched one more time.  We think this might actually be our last time of exchanging vows, because if Oregon eventually legalizes gay marriage, then a Washington marriage would almost certainly be recognized in-state.  And, if something changes on the federal level at some point, again, our Washington marriage would be valid federally.  So, we are going to do it!

We think we are going to wait a year, though.  We are thinking about next October 26th, which will be our tenth wedding anniversary.  Of our real but non-legal wedding.  Seems like a good day to add the legal part.  We've already had our big-deal wedding, so this would be just a small ceremony...but we are excited, and, more importantly, so are the kids!  Natalia, our resident fashion expert, is already plotting for Mommy to get a new dress. 

Election eve

I have been casting about for something to blog about, but really all I can think about is the election tomorrow!  I have a lot of guilt about not being more involved in it.  However, having volunteered to make political calls and pound the pavement in elections past, it has become abundantly clear that (#1) I am not good at those things and (#2) I hate trying to convince strangers of anything.  What I am good at, though, is writing checks.  And, worrying!  Sacha and I have done our share of the former and I, personally, have done a lot of the latter. 

This election feels big in a lot of ways for our country, and, more personally, for my family.  Of course, there are many large and pressing issues at stake that I care about, but there's a personal one as well.  On the presidential level, there's a stark choice between a president who is openly for gay marriage and one who has said unpleasant things about gay people and especially those with children.  Obama might actually work for increased rights and safety and such on our behalf.  Romney would almost certainly work against those things. 

On the state level, we have a heated gay marriage battle going on just across the border in Washington, as well as in other states.  Washington is Sacha's home state and she would like us to be married there if this thing passes.  We've been married or domestic partnered a number of times by this point, but I am always up for doing it again!  We are both hoping to get the opportunity.  In any case, this election will directly affect us.

I didn't manage to blog about it, but we just had our ninth wedding anniversary, from our real but not legal wedding in October 2003.  And, we have been a couple for nearly 12 years.  Moreover, now that we have children, said children are getting old enough to ask questions about things.  Today, I found myself explaining to Natalia the difference between gay and straight, as she pedaled her tricycle around the garage. 

I don't know how it came up, but she was curious and it seemed as good a time as ever.  I kept it simple, but explained that gay people fall in love with and want to marry other people of their same sex, like Mommy and Mama.  Then, we have straight people, who fall in love with and want to marry people of the opposite sex, like Grammy and Grandpa, Bubbe and Poppa, and the vast majority of people we know.  She said something about how she would choose when she was bigger and I said, well, we don't get to choose.  It's just the way we are born. 

I have also found myself struggling with how to talk to them about marriage in general and our marriage specifically.  How to explain that Mommy and Mama are married but not married at the same time.  Of course, we are married and we have wedding photos in our house and we want the kids to feel secure in having happily married parents.  On the other hand, we aren't married and we want the kids to be prepared, in an age appropriate way, for what they might hear about our family out in the world. 

Too, there is a great deal of interest amongst Mateo's classmates about the election and who is "voting" for whom, and I want him to have some idea of what this election might mean for our family, but it's been hard for me to find a way to explain it in a way that feels right. 

Of course, as an article that I linked to on Facebook the other day so eloquently stated, no matter what happens, we will be fine.  We will keep on loving each other and doing our best to be good members of our community.  In addition to feeling safe and accepted and valued among our family and friends, we also have chosen to live in a place where we feel generally safe and accepted and valued as part of a larger community.  No matter who wins, we will keep on pursuing our radical gay agenda:  buying groceries, doing laundry, trying to find all those missing socks, frantically making lunches and buckling the kids into the minivan, and trying to remember to feed the cat. 

It would be great, though, to wake up in a week or a month or a year and be able to know that our president is working for our family, too.  And, to maybe even get to exchange vows again, knowing that this time, it will stick legally, and maybe even on the federal level at some point.  We know that we will stick.  I think it's about time that the leaders and the laws catch up.

Mateo's six-year-old letter

Dear Mateo,
You have gone and turned six.  Somehow, this seems more impossible than when you turned five!  Time just keeps marching along, and you have been growing by leaps and bounds.  Here are some of the things you've been up to in the last year.

This year has been a time of lots of transitions and adventures.  We moved to a new house, sold our old house, you finished preschool, we traveled many places (including Europe) this summer, you started kindergarten, and now you have had a birthday.  Change has been hard for you in the past.  Really, it's hard for most people!  However, you shown a lot of flexibility in the last year, and a heightened ability to understand what was going on and why.  In fact, a lot of your worries have calmed down in the last year.  It is nice for us to see and it must be nice for you, too!

In fact, this has been a year of maturing for you overall.  Your relationship with your sister, Natalia, went through a rough patch in the spring and then, when we hit summer, things calmed down and have been relatively good and peaceful ever since!  Of course, you have your moments, but overall, the two of you play very nicely together.  She is very protective of you and you of her, especially when we are out in public.  Today, we were in church and the two of you went off to Sunday school together.  You came back in to meet us at the end and you were holding hands.  It was very sweet.

You have also really grown into the role of big brother to your sister, Rosa.  She has become much more interesting to you since she has gotten a little bigger.  Again, you have your moments of frustration with her, but you also love to shepherd her around, help her with things, and try to make her laugh.  I took the two of you out last Friday and you had a lot of fun playing together at the Children's Museum.

You learned how to ride a pedal bike this summer, which was very exciting for all of us.  It was one of those moments where Mommy and Mama realized that the tiny baby we brought home from the hospital had become a big boy and was, in fact, riding away from us on a two-wheeler!  Needless to say, we were very proud.  We were equally proud when you not only made it through a total of 25 hours on a plane with all of us, but handled it with good humor and patience. 

Of course, some things have stayed the same for you, and number one among those is your love of books.  You have continued to love reading more than anything.  You have made your way from picture books, which you still love, to short chapter books, and now you are really going for longer and more complicated reading material.  You will read pretty much anything that you come across, because stories just fascinate you no matter what they are about, but you are loving Harry Potter right now.  We have been reading it out loud to you to slow things down and limit the scariness, but you are more than capable of reading it on your own and have enjoyed re-reading the books when we have finished them.  You just got book #4 for your birthday, and, after your bath this morning, I came out of the bathroom and found you like this.  Based on what you can describe after you read things, there is no question that you are understanding what you read. 

One of the great things about your kindergarten class is that there are several other kids who can read just as well as you can.  It's amazing for you to have some peers in this area, and also nice for your moms to know that you're in good company at school.  In fact, you are loving almost everything about your class and school.  Thanks to Grammy, you are going to an amazing school with the resources to offer you lots of both academic and enrichment options. 

At school, you have time in woodshop with real tools and saws and hammers and such, music time, story workshop time, art time, and PE four days a week.  You are right where you should be in terms of other academic stuff, like writing and math.  You are really excited about patterns right now.  You have teachers who are getting to know you and what makes you tick.  You have jumped into the social scene and made friends that you really seem to enjoy.

And, you are playing lots of pretend games out at recess.  The most recent, although you just informed me that it's going out of style, is an absolutely hysterical game called Killer Whale Circus.  It involves one very dramatic kid playing the part of a beached killer whale and lots of other kids running around trying to save the whale.  I hope, that if and when you read this when you're older, that the memory of that game jogs your memory of what it was like to be a kindergartener, playing your heart out on the playground.

Of course, the long school day and going to school five days a week has been a big adjustment for you, but you are thriving and we couldn't be happier.

Of course, like all kids, you have your challenges.  You sometimes get very frustrated and that can lead to some explosive behavior.  You do a great job of being a model citizen at school, but that means that your temper can be short at home and with those closest to you.  We are working together on learning how to use words first instead of lashing out and how to say sorry when things have gone awry.  You are really adjusting to a lot right now and we understand that you are going to have some growing pains!

Here's an update on your night times:  your sleeping, which has always been an area of challenge, is going pretty well.  We have had some growing pains since being in our new house, which have mainly involved Mama trying to get you to sleep through the night upstairs in your own room, where you feel scared and not like sleeping through the night.  Since Mama finally threw in the towel on that idea, you have moved into the guest room right across from Mommy and Mama's room and you are much happier there. 

On good nights, you sleep until about 5 or 5:30 am and then come get one of us.  You have gotten much better at snuggling with one of us until 6 or 6:30, instead of insisting on getting out of bed right away.  On not-so-great nights, you wake up as early at 11 pm and want one of us to sleep with you.  It has been so difficult to get you back to sleep on your own for any length of time that right now we are just going with it and having one of us sleep with you.  For whatever reason, it's really hard for you to be alone at night.  At some point, you will either grow out of this or we will find a better solution! 

Speaking of all this, your basic preference for being with someone nearly all the time is unchanged.  This may be different at school, but, when you are home, you prefer to be with one of your parents nearly all the time.  Occasionally, like when we get home from the library, you will go into what we call a book coma and be fine with us doing other things.  Mostly, though, you are happier and more comfortable with someone with you.  In the mornings, for example, you would rather get up and play right when you first wake up, but you know that you would be up by yourself if you did that, and so you opt to have company in bed instead.  We are sure that this quality will evolve as you get older, but, for right now, we are just trying to meet you where you are.

We are going to wrap this up, but, quickly, here is a list of other things you love right now:  being pushed as high as possible on the swings (no pumping with your legs yet, but someday!), being ambushed with tickles, eating waffles, building things with Legos and magnetic tiles, figuring out puzzles, making up rhymes, telling jokes, climbing like a monkey on the playground, playing with your car collection, riding in the way back of our van, playing with friends, going out for special time with Mommy or Mama, seeing Apa, and seeing all your other special people, like your grandparents and great-grandmother and aunties, uncles, and cousins. 

Mateo, there are a zillion other things we could say about you, but this sums things up for now.  You are our big boy but you will always be our baby.  We love you more than we could possibly say.  We cherish the time we have with you at this age right now and we look forward to what tomorrow will bring.

All our love,
Mommy and Mama

Out and about

One of the things I have enjoyed most about this year so far is the chance to hang out with our kids in groups of two instead of three. Most of the time, that means that I get a lot of quality time with the girls. Sometimes, like today, Mateo has the day off from school while Tali does have school. That gives me a chance to spend some time with just Mateo and Rosie, which is always a high-spirited combination!

Today, we dropped our preschooler off and headed to the Children's Museum for the morning. Mateo and Rosie are quite compatible playmates, as both like to flit around here and there while checking everything out.

We had fun inside, mostly playing at the pretend vet clinic and in the dig pit. Then, we went outside and they went nuts in the new outdoor maze. Here are some photos of the two of them:













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Catching up

 I'm going to give a shot at posting every day in November for NaBloPoMo.  It is probably going to be a bigger challenge than in years past, as I haven't been blogging at all, but maybe it will get me back on the horse!

Here are some photos that have been sitting on my phone, waiting to see the light of day...or, at least, the glowing light of a computer screen :)

Here's Rosie in mid-October, just after she helped me pick up my bib for the Portland Half Marathon, which I ran with a friend two days later.  It was a great experience and the sun shined on us and I'm already looking forward to doing another one.

Here I am after the race, although Rosa is conveniently obscuring the word "half" at the bottom of the shirt, thereby making me look like a marathon finisher.  Maybe one day! Also, note our backyard in the background.  We thoroughly enjoyed spending the summer back there, but did not one whit of landscaping during the nice weather.  Now, the weather is no longer nice and it appears that our window of opportunity has passed.  Maybe next summer?

Clearly, I take proportionally more photos of Rosie than anyone else.  I can see that now.  Here she is again, after essentially bathing in cream cheese one morning at the bagel shop.  Those big brown eyes get me every time.

Here, we have Natalia, posing in her outdoor regalia in the sandbox at preschool.  She has been absolutely loving her new school!  She even loves outdoor Fridays, and even in the rain and cold we've been having lately.  This has translated to home, too, as all the kids now want to get into their rain gear and go outside and play on the swing set whenever it rains.  We love it.  Go Oregon natives!

Now that the weather has started to turn, Tali has added a warm hat and mittens to her ensemble.  Also, you can see Rosie behind her and Mateo in a blur next to her.  He doesn't usually get to come to preschool with us, as he is almost always at his own school by then, but he had the day off. 

Remember what I said about the kids loving the wet weather?  I give Rosie the award for most water-loving kid.  In this picture, she is wearing her rain pants and rain boots and splashing in our wading pool, filled with water from the nice weather a few days before, for all she is worth.  She LOVES going outside and will stand at the door and plead "Ow-side! Ow-side!" until we take her out.  She is going to be a perfect match for Tali's preschool when the time comes.

 Here's our big boy just after losing his fifth (fifth!) tooth!  It had been hanging on by a thread and finally just popped out.  His kindergarten teacher and I had a friendly competition going on over where Mateo would finally lose his tooth, and I am happy to report that it happened at home.  This was particularly convenient for the tooth fairy!  Needless to say, we can't believe he is so big already and that he is six now.  His six-year-old letter will be coming soon.

Here is a common morning scene.  This is the sidewalk leading from the parking lot to Mateo's school.  Other parents have commented that we always seem so serene, walking calmly and sloooowly to Mateo's classroom.  The real story is that Rosie loses her mind if I don't let her walk, so she walks at her own pace and the big kids often like to hold her hands.  This also (sort of) prevents her from detouring into the bushes at every opportunity. 

Here is our beautiful girl in the van one day.  She is feeling motivated to grow out her bangs, and isn't she looking so big now?  She and I have been having a lot of fun together lately.  It's been great to spend so much time with her this fall...and Rosie, of course!

Here I am with the little one, visiting Sacha's classroom.  She is feeling much more settled in at her new school now that she has been there for a couple of months.  Of course, now we have embarked on the long fall/winter period where she is constantly sick.  She has been taking vitamin D, echinacea, vitamin C, etc, but I think her immune system is just adjusting to a new school.  And our kids' new schools.  Germs, ack!

 Here's a photo of Natalia on one of the first times that she climbed a tree by herself!  She had been mostly sticking with the sandbox during outside time at school, but has been slowly branching out (ha ha!) more and more.  On this Friday, I picked her up after her outside day and she just scampered right up this little tree.  I was so proud of her! Also, note her industrial strength rain pants.  It was initially difficult for our little princess (yes, we are heavily into a princess/fairy/ballerina phase) that the pants only came in red and blue, but Sacha talked her into choosing red because it was the most like pink.  I have to say, I never thought I would be excited about the princess thing, but I find it hopelessly adorable.  Tali has always had me wrapped around her little finger, I guess!

We live about a half a mile from my grandmother and one of the best parts about it is that we can just drop in on each other.  Right before Halloween, she and her caregiver stopped by spontaneously with some cute cupcakes!  Since there are five of us in our family AND we had a friend over, the cupcakes vanished almost as soon as they came in the door.  Thanks, Grandmommy!

Finally, here's a photo of Mateo surrounded by corn.  I have been lucky enough to get to parent-help in Natalia's classroom once a month and to spend some time with Mateo's class, too.  I got to go on a field trip with the kindergarteners to a local farm at the beginning of October.  Mateo and I had a really fun time together and we both ate raw corn for the first time (delicious!).  He was so wiped out at the end that he fell asleep in my lap on the way back to school in the bus.  It was a sweet little time and it made me think of when he was much littler.  He's at a pretty great age now, though, too! 

This concludes my photo essay :)  Hopefully I will be back tomorrow with a letter for our big kid!