Reuniting

We are in the midst of our annual family reunion for my mom's side of our family.  We're down near Bend, Oregon, and have been having a wonderful time.  It's nice to reconnect with some people and spend more time with others who we see more frequently.  We're staying in a house with my parents and sister, which is really nice, and have had some great dinners with the whole clan.  We had a photographer come out this morning and take photos of everybody, including some great ones of our three kids together, so I will post those soon.  We'll be back on Monday, after which time regularly scheduled blogging will resume!

Four months

Dear Rosa Jane,
A few days ago, you turned four months old!  You celebrated it by taking a big car ride to southeast Oregon to attend a family reunion.  You have been quite the hit amongst our family, with everyone commenting on what a great baby you are.  In light of that, we thought we'd let you know what you've been up to recently.

First of all, you have learned how to grab!  It started with seemingly inadvertent gestures and now has progressed to full-on grabbing of things:  on your playmat, when you're being held, and when something interesting comes into reach.  It boggles our minds that you've gotten old enough to grab already.  How did this happen so quickly? 

Speaking of your babyhood passing, you are definitely out of the so-called fourth trimester and into babyhood now.  You are getting chubbier by the day, drinking mostly Mommy's milk with a bottle or two of formula every day.  We have to make sure that you keep on liking the bottle, so that the transition to Mommy going back to work will be easier.  Luckily, you are perfectly happy with either Mommy's milk or bottle, which makes life nice for all of us.

In terms of sleep, you've slipped back a bit, wanting to wake up several times at night to nurse.  We're working on getting you back to your amazing initial sleep habits, because we're much better moms to you and your siblings when we sleep.

Let's see, what else?  You love to babble and to have little conversations with other people, and you also love to watch everything around you with big, big eyes.  You especially watch us eating, which makes us think you might get into that on the early side, and you love things like fans and other things that move.

You also seem to like tummy time.  You can raise yourself all the way up on your arms and look all around you.  We're working on giving you more time on your tummy, so you can keep building strong muscles.  You have an amazing ability to roll pretty much every time we put you on your tummy, which always surprises you and makes us smile.  

You are adored by both Mateo and Natalia.  They love to hold you and help feed you and talk about you as their baby.  Your little smile lights up our whole family, and you are kind enough to smile a lot.  You tend to fuss only for a reason (tired, hungry, diaper change, etc), which is an amazing thing.  At four months, you have a sunny disposition that we hope you keep for a long time! 

Rosa, we love you more than we could possibly say.  You are the perfect addition to our family and we love you just the way you are right now.  We look forward to what the next month will bring!

love, Mama and Mommy

Always on a playdate?

The New York Times Sunday Styles section today has a feature on gay marriage, inspired by New York's new gay marriage law that takes effect today.  In it, there is an article that talks about awkward situations that gay couples encounter regardless of their marriage/domestic partner/civil union status, such as checking into a hotel.  This made me think of my own marriage and how it must look from the outside.  In a world full of moms and kids being the norm, we blend in perfectly.  Whenever we go out, I'm sure it looks like we're friends or sisters on an outing with our collective kids.  Our husbands are probably at work or at home or wherever. 

 Don't get me wrong; there are many positives to being on an eternal playdate.  We're probably safer when people make that assumption.  And, I'm sure things are very different for gay dads, who constantly have to answer questions like "Where's Mommy?"  Nonetheless, it feels weird to go out as a family and to not be recognized as one automatically.  We've lived in our neighborhood for seven years now, and some of the older residents still think that we're sisters.  For real. 

Like I said, I remain thankful for our safety here in this liberal mecca, and the freedom it affords us to live openly together, have children, and not actively have to hide it from the neighbors, workplaces, and in general.  Still, it's a bit weird to be living openly and yet not to be recognized for who we are unless someone at the indoor playpark has some really great gaydar.  Normally, this isn't much of an issue, as Sacha's usually at work and I'm just another mom with kids at the children's museum or some such place....but since Sacha's maternity leave and summer combined to make an awesome five months off, we've been doing a lot of things as a family recently. 

The other crazy thing is that I know there are quite a few lesbian families here (I think the gay moms group listserve has over 100 families on it), but we almost never see them out and about.  It's happened a few times, but most of the time, if we're seeing a gay family, it's because we're friends and we're hanging out.  We are lucky that we do have a number of two-mom families that we are friends with.  However, there are none at Mateo's preschool, which is decently-sized, and have been none in any of the baby-and-me/storytime/kid event things I've ever gone to.  We have high hopes for kindergarten, but that's still a year away. 

Anyway, it just seems weird to sometimes feel invisible and isolated when we really are neither.  I guess it's time to start attending those gay mom functions again!

Our house

With the help of a friend, we've been working on cleaning up our garden and helping it to look nice, rather than overgrown.  We have an abundance of flowering plants in the summer that tend to go a little wild!  Anyway, in anticipation of selling at some point, I wanted to take a photo of the house and front garden at its peak.  We're really enjoying our summer here and really have no idea when we'll sell, but it's good to have a nice photo of the house for when the need arises.  Here's what I got.  I'm biased, but it's so pretty! 

Busy day!

We had a big day around here!  We started off the morning with a visit from Uncle Galen and Megan.  Galen could only stay for a minute, but Megan stayed for most of the morning with the kids, as she has on Fridays for some time now.  It has been wonderful to watch the kids having fun with her every week, as well as to have a weekly break in the action.  She is a rockstar babysitter, always coming with cool little projects and treats and generally having a great time with the kids.  She even volunteered to watch Rosa along with the big kids, which we happily took her up on. 

Megan and Galen are moving up north for grad school in just a few weeks and we are going to miss them sooooo much.  I somehow don't have a recent photo of Galen with the kids, but here are a couple of Megan.  Luckily, Sacha's parents live close to where they're going to school, so we'll have plenty of reasons to come and visit!

After lunch and nap/rest time, we had a playdate with a preschool friend of Mateo's.  It was their first playdate together, but they're best buddies at school, so it went well.  They were so excited to see each other that they could hardly stand it!  The little boy's mom is a native Spanish speaker, so the conversation flowed between both languages, with me struggling to keep up!  I understand quite a bit, but speaking comes more slowly, so I could at least keep up with what they were saying, mostly!  I did take a Spanish lesson this morning and am hoping to do more, so hopefully I'll master the language one of these days.

Anyway, after the playdate, Mateo and Sacha fulfilled a long-held dream, which was to set up a lemonade stand.  They're both very entrepreneurial and have been waiting and waiting for a nice enough day to do it.  Today was not only sunny, but also one of the days that a local community marketplace is open.  The owner of it had told Sacha that we were welcome to come and sell lemonade there, so that's what we did.  Sacha and Mateo made a bit vat of lemonade and ice and we trekked down to the marketplace and set up shop.  Despite there being hardly any shoppers, Mateo sold tons of lemonade to the other vendors and their kids!  We had a free refill policy and there were some little girls who must have had at least 10 glasses each.  Luckily, they were just tiny Dixie cups :)

In fact, I had a funny conversation with three little girls that had me cracking up.  Sacha had sold them some lemonade and then wandered off to see what else was at the market.  Mateo and Tali and Rosa went with her, so I was minding the stand when the girls came by for a refill.  One of them asked me if I knew the lady selling the lemonade?  Yes, I said.  Then she asked how I knew her and peppered me with possibilities.  Friends?  No.  Sisters?  No.  Was she my cousin?  No.  My daughter?  No! Man, they must have thought I was OLD.  Finally, they were stumped and I figured I had to come out with it, so I said that she was my partner.  One of the girls was like "Wha??" and another girl quickly got it.  "Oh, wife and wife?" she asked.  Yes, I said.  Then the confused girl was like, "Oh, so you're friends!"  You win, I thought.  "Yes!" I said.  It was hilarious.  They kept coming back for more and more lemonade, so I guess their parents were either oblivious or were just fine with lesbians selling lemonade.

Anyway, here are some photos of the lemonade stand in action.  It was such a success (Mateo made about $4 in quarters) that we may have to do it again!

We capped off the day with a celebratory trip to Subway for dinner.  We were celebrating the success of the lemonade stand and Mateo's finishing of another section of his Headsprout reading comprehension program.  He finished off this last section with a story about our government and the legislative, executive, and judicial branches of it.  It was crazy to be reading about that - check that, being read to about that - with a four year old!  The next and final section jumps up to fourth grade material and more about how our government works, and neither of us is sure that he's ready for it, but I guess we'll see.  We never thought he would make it this far this quickly, so he may continue to surprise us....or he may need more time.  Either's fine with us.  We have a fun math program waiting in the wings, so it's all good.  Happy Friday to everybody!

School

When we were expecting Mateo and realized he would have a fall birthday, I remember being a little bit sad that he would be almost 6 by the time he entered kindergarten.  And, in fact, he now has a number of older friends, some by just a few months, that will be going to kindergarten this year, while he stays in preschool for another year.

I'm not sad about it anymore though.  A lot of my anxiety about it was alleviated by reading Outliers, by Malcolm Gladwell, which outlines research showing that older kids in their grade have an advantage that comparatively younger classmates generally don't catch up with.  But, more than that, Mateo is so clearly going to be ready next year and not this year.  He has had a couple of occasions this summer in which he was grouped with slightly older peers, making him the youngest in the group, and has struggled with various things as part of those groups.

Today, we went to his first gymnastics class and, again, he was the youngest one there, and he had a rough time.  I don't know how much of that is due to age and how much it is just his personality, but he didn't want to engage with anything the class was doing and opted to just not participate because he felt so shy.  I have a feeling that another year will do wonders in that arena.  As well, like many boys, he struggles with fine motor skills like writing and drawing anything beyond a scribble, and I'm glad he'll have another year to work on that before entering school.  Finally, he's on the smaller side physically and having another year to grow is another positive.

So, it's clear that in almost every way, starting kindergarten next year will be the best thing for him.  The only drawback is that he is intellectually ready to go right now.  He's doing third grade material in his reading comprehension program and is breezing through it like it's easy.  He's not as advanced in math or other subjects, but he can really read and he understands what he's reading.  Sacha and I have been blown away by his ability to pick out the definitions of complicated words without a single word of advice from us.

So, I hope that his future school will be able to challenge him in that arena while also helping him out in subjects that don't come as naturally.  It's hard to believe that in just one more year, our first baby will be a schoolkid!  I'm really glad we get another year of him being a preschooler.  School will come soon enough and there's plenty of time for that.  These early years really do go by so fast and now I'm glad for that Halloween birthday, because it lets us enjoy him at this stage for just a little bit longer...and then send him to school when he is really ready to go.  Hooray, October!

Slow summer

It's crazy how early one can start to feel competitive with other parents or families, because so and so is already a soccer whiz or someone else is already a junior black belt or whatever.  Even before we had kids, we didn't want to over-schedule them, but we didn't realize how difficult a line that would be to walk.  We've arrived at having them take one class at a time and having the rest of their activities be with us or playdates with their little friends.  But, especially in the summer, it's hard to know when to sign up for stuff and when to hold off. 

There are about a million camps and classes and experiences that they could have, and that many of their friends are having, and part of me thinks that maybe we should enroll them in a bunch of camps and classes and whatever else....but a larger part of me craves just slowing down this summer.  I won't lie - Mateo is taking a little gymnastics class this coming week, is enrolled in a weeklong morning nature camp in August, and both kids are taking three days of morning summer camp at their preschool right before school starts - but other than those things and our upcoming family reunion, we are wide open to whatever comes our way. 

It is lovely to just have a summer and no plans to speak of except for travel.  We can wake up in the morning and do whatever we decide to do.  The type-A part of me is a bit freaked out by so much unplanned time and what will we do with it all, but the rest of me is reveling in it.  These days are a rare and special time, while Rosa is still a baby and Sacha has yet to return to work. We are so lucky to be in the middle of five months of Sacha being at home and being a family of five together. 

We'll be busy again soon enough, with everyone running around and doing this and that, but not quite yet.   For now, we are busy with things like picking berries in our neighborhood, making marble mazes, playing outside when the sun actually comes out, making impromptu trips to our local cupcake and ice cream stores (yes, we have both within walking distance, plus a frozen yogurt place and about a zillion restaurants.  It's an embarassment of riches!), going to the farmer's market, checking out a new church, and spending time as a family.  (And agonizing over the short sale from hell, but that's another story.)  And, sometimes, being bored.  After all, what's summer without a little boredom and not knowing what to do with yourself?  Sacha told me that it actually has been shown to increase creativity or something like that.  See, a scientific basis for our low-key summer days!  I say, bring on the open calendar and I'm sure we'll have fun with whatever we end up doing with it.